But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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