oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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