i already hear my dad disowning me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
