My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
