why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
