Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
