Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
