In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
