I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
