When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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