At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
