My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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