i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am one with the molecules
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
