Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
