i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
