My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
