And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They took my balls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
