WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
