I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
