apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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