her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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