This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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