after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize