Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
