Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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