Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Enjoy the penises
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
