I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
