Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
