you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
