I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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