I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
