there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
