I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
