uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize