I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
