it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
