Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
