When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
