im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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