dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
