Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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