You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
