i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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