Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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