she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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