how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
