Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and she was petting her beer can
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
