they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize