but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
