____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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