You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
