you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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