Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
