the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
