i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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