I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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