First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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