So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
