Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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