$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
